Twins.

facts.

kristen and i are twins.

we share brains.

figures.

we always match.

always.

from handbag to jacket.

we hate people who are sluts.

we love to talk about events and people and complain about classes.

we always walk down the hallway to meet each other at the exact same moment.

we phrase things similarly.

we both made the bad choice to wear flats out in the snow some weekend.

we enjoy scarves.

we enjoy mac and cheese and watching comedy central and "pointless" shows.

we are very particular about our hair.

we gain weight in the same regions.

we have shirts that are the same but different colors.

most importantly.

we always think of the same things at the same times and one of us will say that thing and the other will be all like "THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING. GET OUT OF MY HEAD."

my other twin is sambø.

we've been twins for a long time.

figures.

we basically have the same opinions about people (not men, though), religion, morality, politics (mostly. 3/4ths of the time), music (except for saosin), food, things we like to do, how we do them, why we do them, and agree that someday we are going to be well-known aristocrats.

we each possess one half of the other's brain.

does this mean i am not an individual?

no.

it means i made scarily good decisions when making friends.

-lola

Decisions

I have decided twelve things.

1. bobby pins are better at holding my hair up than other things.

2. the college humor guide to college chapter 9: sex and dating is my favorite chapter.

3. rechargeable batteries are a rip-off ($12 for 4?!)

4. at some point i am going to sell my eggs ($3+G's?!) to pay for college.

5. dashboard confessional never gets old. neither does saosin. favorite bands.

6. moccasins will always be my favorite mode of transport footwear-wise.

7. i've accepted that my hair is insane but that's why it's so choach.

8. drinking black coffee is better than other caffeinated drinks.

9. i am going to die someday. i hope it's when i'm old but before i can be old enough to be labeled as a burden to society and thrown into a rest home that smells like poorly cooked ham and moth balls.

10. i would benefit from starting to run again.

11. my phone would win a contest if the contest involved dropping and throwing phones. that thing is such a trooper.

12. i'm really good at school. but that's probably because my classes aren't that hard. but maybe that's also because i go to MSU. i don't care though because this place is cool.

addendum.

4. a. or i will sell my plasma.

b. or donate blood.

5. 

a. of montreal and vampire weekend are my new favorite bands.

6. a. when it's summer though, flip flops. everyday. but not the lame kind. this year i'm buying some leather ones.

10. a. only if/when it gets above 40 degrees though. because i want to run outside. treadmills blow.

12. a. plus every other guy i pass on the street would qualify as being pretty decently good looking to really exceptionally great looking. which is an important aspect of a college in my mind.

also, i have discovered that i continually go back to wearing t-shirts and hoodies and jeans no matter what i do. curse? not if the hoodie/shirt combos are cool. and by cool i mean they represent what i am: a dirty hippy/lazy person with no real regard for trends unless it's the weekend and i'm going out somewhere.

as it should be.

i can get ready in the morning in 7 minutes flat.

that counts taming my hair and putting on many layers of clothing.

i would be faster but i look weird without eyeliner and mascara.

BTW i got new eyeliner. raisin quartz. more purple-brown than brown. which was the old color i used everyday. before that it was black pearl which looked horrible. but cut me a break it was junior year of high school.

WTF.

Working in the cafeteria from now until May = suck.

it also = $$$.

I need $$$ very badly.

Ergo, caf job.

Other than awkward public situations/humiliations how bad can it be?

Minimum wage jobs rule!

I was only making 10 cents more at my job at SSDL and I've been there for like two years.

So I guess making 10 cents less and not doing anything other than filling up food things, walking around, and wiping things off is a pretty decent trade-off.

I just pray to sweet baby Jesus (R.I.P.) that no one actually recognizes me in a stingy, ill-fitting, black t-shirt and nasty baseball cap. Ha.

In other news: LITTLE SIBS WEEKEND.

That means Lydia is coming.

I'm excited.

AND.

I just got off the phone with Sambø.

She's going on a date with Wicker Park boy.

At some place.

And they're going to make secks.

That is all.

-lola

My Voz.

Is gone.

I'm really tired.

Suck it blog.

-lola

Suck it

Today I wish I could have dropped a hydrogen bomb on my professors.

First off, I wake up at the crack of 7:30 a.m. and the viral menace lurking in my sinuses decides that I can no longer breathe through my nose.

Then, I get the bus at 8:07 and arrive at my IAH lecture practically falling asleep as soon as I sit down only to discover that my prof cancelled the class. That morning. 

I came halfway across campus at the asscrack of dawn for nothing.

So I fight my way onto a bus and go back to the dorm and shove some food down my throat.

And I can't even take a nap because now I have to go get another bus at 9:51 for my Psych lecture.

Which is, once again, halfway across campus.

This time I get to stand the whole way because the bus is so fucking crowded that I can't even turn my effing face without being two inches away from someone else's.

So I get to Psych.

Turns out that this lecture was practically useless and lasted for 20 whole minutes.

I could have read that shit out of the textbook.

Time to get onto another bus!

This time, it was practically empty, thanks CATA. 

Then I eat with Kristen and guess what?

Time to study for Sociology!!

At least I was able to take a nap before going to take the exam.

Anyways, I go to the exam and get it done in 20 minutes.

That shit was easy.

Moral of the story is:

I hate the bus.

I hate profs who e-mail you at times when no one checks their e-mail and don't tell you that their lecture could be skipped because it is straight from the text.

Worthless.

Anyway, tomorrow is Friday and I can say whole-heartedly T.G.I.F. when the clock strikes 12.

Dumb

My teachers this semester are completely incompetent. 

Calc-

This guy just copies all the examples out of the book and every three seconds says one of the following phrases:

"EEZ CLEAR?"

"RIGGHHHTT?"

"UNDAHSTAHND??"

"ANY QVESHTENZ?"

Okay. Obviously if someone wasn't understanding the material, they would raise a mothereffing hand and ask a question. If not, too bad so sad. We're in college, we are fully capable of asking for help if we need it.

Sociology-

Not only is the woman completely unaware of how to use Powerpoint slides and the i-clicker thing, she is blatantly ignorant to how bad she is at teaching.

Like, all she does is copy shit from the textbook, paste it up on a slide, and read it off.

Then, she tells people to shut up.

Um, sorry that no one respects you enough to not talk during your regurgitation of the material?

IAH-

Only problem with this guy is that his voice is annoying and he has really long hair.

Psychology-

Just about the same problems as the Sociology teacher but he talks at a rate of like 127214639 words per minute. If you are really paying attention he can explain things alright, but you'd better be pretty damn good at typing quickly and listening at the same time.

The bottom line is this:

We pay like $1,000 a class for professors to be specialized in their field of study and help us gain an understanding of the material through their ability to actually EXPLAIN what they mean.

I didn't come here to read books and teach myself the material.

If I wanted to do that I would go back to high school.

And not shove $18,000 a year at a university that provides nothing more than a place to live during the school year.

Srsly.

-lola

P.S. 

This is just the explanation of how bad my profs are this semester. Last semester they were excellent, so I can't really obliterate all of the educators that work here. But I will as soon as one or two bad ones come up. So suck it MSU.

Balling

Last night was pretty much baller.

Me and Kristen and Meesh and Brett and Brendan and a buuunncchh of other kids were all at the Theta Chi Rockstar Party.

It was epic.

I lost most of my hearing and my voice, so you know it was good.

After we went to Taco Bell and I saw even more people from GH and I ate a cheese quesadilla for 2 dollars and got a cup for "water" for free, which I proceeded to fill with pop, because that's how you stick it to the Man.

Somehow from there I made it back and only lost a couple of extremities, so that was good.

Then Meesh and I were talking really loudly for a while.

Then I fell asleep.

Today I have accomplished nothing so far except for videochatting with Sambø and having her show me the awesome condoms she got for me at a hipster bookstore.

Yeah, we're really mature.

Oh yeah, and my damned i-clicker which cost me like 40 dollars is out of commission.

I am currently in the process of bitching out the i-clicker people.

Which is really fun.

-lola

The Best

www.marriedtothesea.com is the best website ever invented.

Proof:

This one involves crabs.

This one involves college.

Goats.

Faith-based medication.

Fornication (or lack thereof).

Douches.
Calculus.
The Butterfly Effect.
Booze.

Fetuses.

Boxthrones.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:

Thanks.

And if you needed any more proof that the people responsible for these amazing tidbits of hilarious are the BEST then screw you because they just are.

'Night

-lola

Tuesdays

Tuesdays suck.

Want to know why?

Because nothing significant ever happens on Tuesdays.

Except for Barack Obama becoming President.

But like really? History in the making?

We'll see about that.

All I really care about is having a job after I graduate.

Can you do that for me Barack?

I sure hope so.

And that's all I will say regarding politics.

Back to Tuesdays sucking.

They do.

Every other one is just horrible. You know that there are still three whole days of classes left and it's not even the middle of the week.

Also, I have to get up at 7 a.m. on Tuesdays --> really lame.

On top of it all, it's only like 7:30 and I have nothing to do and no, I don't feel like working out or doing something constructive.

So blah.

And to top it all off I would just like to say that this boy from lookbook is supa cute.

Jigga what?

Extenuating circumstances have led me to a conclusion which I never thought I could actually, truthfully believe:

Boys that I know are everywhere.

It's true.

Friday night I saw the delta chi mystery boy.

Long story short I met him Halloween weekend at a (you guessed it) Delta Chi party.

Then, I physically met Econ 201 boy last night at this (sorry for the cliché saying) sweet-ass party at ∑π.

This would have been a lot more socially awkward had I not started off the night screaming things like "HOLY SHIT MICHELLE CHUCK FUCKING BASS IS RIGHT THERE!" 

(His counterpart actually. He lives in the South Complex and I had orientation with him. Funny thing is I actually mentioned to Meesh earlier that day that I would scream if I saw him that night. Anyway, he was standing two feet away from me staring in a (simply stated) bewildered way.)

Yeah, I obviously had no regard for being socially conservative.

Anyways, I first spotted Econ 201 boy on the dance floo'.

Then, I went to the lavatory.

When I came out I was still waiting for Meesh and guess who was standing right in front of me?

Yeah. Econ boy.

Anyways, I somehow managed to open my mouth and form words.

I believe I said something like "Hey. I always sat near you in Econ 201." or something equally creepy because I recall him saying "Creepy".

Then I went off somewhere with Meesh and Colleen and Leah and Lauren and Afua and Jenny.

I recall dancing on a raised surface singing "A Milli" with rather good-looking black men cheering me on.

What was hilarious was that I kept seeing Econ 201 boy (whose name I will not disclose in the horrific event anyone he knows reads this) all over the place.

Then the fire alarm went off.

So I had to go outside with just my t-shirt on (and pants and boots, obviously). Luckily some emo boys lent me a hoodie to wear.

And what do you know he cropped up again!

I'm pretty sure we hugged and/or held hands?

Anyway, things went on like that for pretty much the entire duration of the party henceforth. 

AKA we would scream each other's name and reach out for one another.

Which in hindsight literally makes me laugh out loud. 

Hi-ho! I am now, officially, a creeper.

Thanks Facebook!

-lola

For real?

Really? Honestly? MSU has like 45,000 undergraduate students and I think I might just know all of them. And by all of them, I mean like maybe a handful. But the connections between them are always really weird.

So there was this kid in my Econ 201 class last semester who I never failed to sit behind. 

He was aight on the looks front, nothing special.

But I always wondered who he was.

Turns out, he is not only friends with the CREEPER, but TWO people I graduated high school with and this girl from my WRA 110 class last semester as well.

ZOMG.

It's also kind of like how Snicka is friends with people who went to school with Meesh.

Or how Meesh's first kiss turns out to by my second cousin.

Even more weird.

And slightly creepy? Yes.

Want to know another creepy story?

No? Alright, well here it is:

I was in Sociology and these dumbcunts (excuse my language but they really were) were sitting in front of me.

They were talking about some retarded heaven and hell (gasp! how sacrilegious!) party.

So today as I get on Facebook to routinely look through my news feed, what do I see?

People I know that went to this supposed party.

And that's how I saw the pictures of this boy from Econ 201.

Now if that isn't a roundabout way to make a connection, then crabs are about as real as God.

Crabs are real though, so...yeah

That's a coconut crab. It's the largest terrestrial crustacean. They eat coconuts and can smell and keep their lungs in their fifth set of legs.

Yeah, pretty much AWESOME.

On the note of crabs, if any of you were thinking of what to get me for my 19th birthday (which is exactly 4 months away as of tomorrow) please get me this:

It's a crab switch-plate cover. It's like the cocaine of switch-plates.

-Lola

P.S. Brendan, I found these while Googling today. You will love them.

HOLY CRAP FETUS COOKIE CUTTER

And this too. 

IT'S GOD FLAVORED COFFEE IN A CAN

Also

I forgot some things.

Srymahbadz.

Channel 3 if you live at Michigan State University is the best channel.

It's either classical or NPR.

Win.

I must also mention that because I live in a dorm room, inexorably my roommate will be mentioned. Sorry. She's a great topic of conversation.

Mostly because she does things like leave her ID card on her desk and then searches everywhere else for it.

ID cards are like magic wands in college.

They get you into eateries "free" of charge.  

And into your hall after 12 a.m.

Okay I guess that isn't that cool, but if you lose it you get jewed (no offense) $20.

Today I had my IAH lecture and Psych lecture.

It was boring.

And it's also 7 whole degrees out.

So I rode the bus, because I got a bus pass, and  I find the motion of the bus to be very relaxing and therapeutic.

I would post some pictures, but I have to go wake Brendan up so he will consume food with me.

-lola

Aight

So I finally caved and decided to have a blog. 

I need somewhere to rant about things!

For example:

How the people who edit the Wonders Monthly don't know how to use the correct form of "lose".

This makes me want to sledgehammer them repeatedly.

Or, how I really, really like Zoo Tycoon. 

Honestly, is there a better game out there? It's SO fun.

Maybe I'll even talk about things I hate, like fanatical, fear-monger

ing, fundamentalist, idiots like Ann Coulter who have made a living off of being a ridiculous hypocrite.

Oh, I guess I'll post some pictures too. 

Like of my favorite things.

Or things that recently happened.

Like this:

This is a real, live stone crab.

I love it.

I once even owned a crab.

It died.

This is a picture of me.

I modeled for some people.

It was the beginning and ending of my modeling career.

Because I am too short and my mouth is lopsided.

=)

Also, I think I will begin by stating this one particular fact about myself: 

I really, really, really, REALLY hate it when people can't write to save their lives.

Like, they can't spell, or finish a coherent (ha!) thought.

Who raised you?

Opossums? 

For my last thought today, or for this post, I will say that trail mix is really good.

Except for raisins because raisins suck.

-lola